it has been a while....

I have had my share of ups and downs through the month of May. I cannot remember the last time my month was so full....

The weeks prior to us leaving for the states were full to the BRIM...team retreat, saying goodbye to a team member, a visit from my parents, saying goodbye to my boys for two weeks, saying goodbye to the Paces for the summer, packing, meeting, and hanging out with great new friends, meals out in the city, making pesto...yes so many great things. 

Then we packed up and headed to the USA for Andrew's brothers wedding! My kids had a great time with cousins! And Andrew was a groomsmen with his Italian black suit...which he sported so proudly at Aaron's wedding!  It was a great time...emotional, exhausting, fun,  and overwhelming. I learned a lot about myself and the way that God has wired me. I learned to Let GO and let God take over. I am sure I offended my family, made them laugh, made them cry, shared great memories...and hard memories....really it was a great time of learning....and I loved sharing that time with them!!! 

We returned to Peoria after a two day drive from Colorado Springs...it was long but a wonderful time with Ken and Patty and the boys...talking about the past...getting advice for the future...being challenged....

When we arrived in Peoria, I remember feeling overwhelmed. I am not sure where my feelings of anxiety come from when I get to the state of IL but I really truly feel under the microscope! I feel unloved, fearful, and well really quite sad. I am working through these feelings....I have reasons why....but really feel that they are best left unsaid. 

We did get pretty discouraging news from our home church that we are sent from... about a drop in our support. There were lots of reasons given...many of them made no sense....I know that the main reason was an accounting error made by the church...Andrew and I now have a year to make up 800 dollars of new support. At least I thought 800$ then suddenly a good friend wrote me upon our return to Italy stating that they would be increasing there support substantially!! Now we only have 600$ left to give to the Lord and trust him for his abundant provision...for what he has done and what he WILL do!! I will trust him....not only with my finances but with my life!! Lord lead me and change me!!! I need it!!! I am a mess of broken pieces.....praying that you would change this vessel and mold it into something beautiful!!!