What is God teaching me?

This is a good question. I am not really sure. I have spent the last week trying to figure it out...My mother-in-law had some words about when she has felt the way I have been feeling she can trace the root back to jealousy. I started to think about this word jealousy and began to pray that the Lord would search me....well the conclusion is that it is not just jealousy...it is much more than that....

For some strange reason I have been looking for fulfillment in what I do, by my actions! "If I could just have....."If I wasn't so..." If the people would...." If IF IF IF IF.... Instead I constantly am thinking about the "death of dreams" dreams that I have always had that right now just are not, or at least I think in my pit of despair that they are not..........Did God have a different plan...or am I just not obedient. 

But, where am I just saying thank you. Where or how am I just being content with what I have and what God has provided for me on my behalf! 

I am not really sure...but these are my thoughts today! Thoughts that God would continue to convict me deeply!! Work on me....press me....and that I would let go of the bitterness that root/ tree that is growing deep inside my heart.....now to pray!